Mean Girls on Campus

There’s been  a lot of talk on the internet lately of Mean Girls and bullying in Spokane.  The recent suicide of a young Massachusetts girl, Phoebe Prince,  put schoolyard bullying into the forefront once again.  Phoebe wasn’t alone in her pain.  In March, popular high schooler and soccer star,  Alexis Pilkington of Long Island, took her own life as a result of cyberbullying.

Experts say that Mean Girls often turn into Mean Women.  The reality TV show Real Housewives of New York has shown former nice girl Jill turn her Mean Girlness toward former BFF Bethenney.   Even for TV viewers it’s hard to watch.

Many think that it’s the geeks who are targeted, but that’s not always the case.  Anyone can be a target, for any reason, and usually for no reason at all.   In fact, oftentimes the pretty  girls may be  more of a target.   That certainly was the case with both Phoebe and Alexis.  Young Phoebe  was new to the school and  pretty.  Casually dating a popular football player on campus seems to have moved the  Mean Girls into action.  They gave Phoebe  no peace, calling her a slut, taunting her every chance they got.   After three months of relentless torture,  Phoebe went home   from school  and hung herself.

Alexis, too, was a pretty girl, a soccer star and a good student.  When her peers tormented her non-stop on-line, the poor girl took her own life.  Unbelievably, the on-line ridicule continued even after her death.

Of course, bullying isn’t limited to girls.  “There seems to be a meanness switch that goes on in a lot of young heads” said John Halligan, whose 13 year old son, Ryan, hung himself after classmates incessantly accused him of being gay.

Mean Girls Do It With a Smile

Girls have always had cliques and hierarchies.  They’ve always gossiped, bitched and ostracized.   Dr. Cathy Street, co-author of the survey “Girls and School Exclusion” says “there can be a constant drip-drip of torture.”   “Quite simply, girls have a superior social intelligence” says Tim Fields, co-author of “Bullycide”.  “Both genders bully, but girls are better at it.  They use  forms that are harder to detect and easier to deny and they do it with a smile”.

The teens in Phoebe’s case (seven Mean Girls and two boys) have been charged with criminal harassment, violation of civil rights and disturbing a school assembly.  More than 40 states have anti-bullying laws that require schools to adopt preventative policies.  ”But policies don’t help if schools don’t follow through with intensive training for teachers and staff” says Marlene Synder of Clemsen University.   Teachers  don’t know what to do when they see bullying on campus.   They often look the other way with the thought that “kids will be kids”.    A national bill is being considered in Washington D.C. that would make communication intended to coerce, intimidate or harass a federal crime.   It can’t happen soon enough.

What to Do

Parents must talk to their children about bullying and how to help kids who don’t fit in or have been targeted.  Let them know that bullying is never acceptable.

As parents we must do all we can to protect our children from what can be long lasting or even deadly affects.  Try finding new social outlets for younger children where they might make new friends.  Encourage older children  to do the same.

Adults who find themselves targets of Mean Women should also try out some new hobbies.  Make some new friends.   Joining an exercise group is a good way to work off steam and get healthy.  Try Physzique in Liberty Lake.  The  people are nice and no matter your fitness abilities you will be welcome.  Take a look at this video, then give Zach Hunt a call.

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